


Sleep

by JustAnAnxiousMess



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death In Dream, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Nightmares, Virgil and Logan are the insomniac boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:00:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26921764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnAnxiousMess/pseuds/JustAnAnxiousMess
Summary: Trigger Warnings: brief mention of a needle
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings: brief mention of a needle

Sleep is a cruel mistress who always seems to give me a wide berth. She comes easily to the others but avoids me like the plague.

I can't remember the last time I got a healthy amount of sleep. Mostly I stay awake all night but the times when sleep finally visits it's not an enjoyable experience.

My dreams are dark and violent, causing me to jolt awake every other half hour. Slowly the lack of sleep takes it's toll on me and I begin to feel weak and fragile.

To avoid this I came up with a method. If I avoid sleeping for three nights in a row then the fourth night I will pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow and I'll fall into a dreamless sleep.

I walked out of my room, looking forward to the dreamless sleep I'd get that night when suddenly I heard Logan calling me into the lounge.

I walked in and frowned as I spotted a concerned looking Patton and annoyed Roman also with Logan.

"what's going on?" I asked cautiously, glancing around at them all and tensing up.

"we've noticed that you've not been sleeping and to ensure you are functioning properly to do your job you need sufficient enough sleep." Logan said, sounding business like as always.

"what he means is we know you're not sleeping and it's worrying us." Patton cried, tears welling up in his eyes.

I shifted uncomfortably and risked a glance at Roman who still looked annoyed.

"just get some sleep or Thomas is going to have another breakdown." he muttered.

I rolled my eyes as I realised this sudden intervention was due to Thomas having a breakdown the previous day and they were blaming me when it was clearly Logans fault for overloading him with too much information at once.

"OK I get it, sleep or when something happens to Thomas I'll get the blame. Can I go now?" I growled, lack of sleep starting to really hit me.

Roman scowled and replied "yes, go now."

I ignored the spluttering of Patton trying to make me stay and the command from Logan telling me he wasn't finished talking. I needed to get away from them or I'd either snap or break down and neither of those was an ideal situation.

I walked carefully down the corridor and into the viewing room where we were able to watch what Thomas was up to. At the moment Thomas was on his computer so I sat on one of the sofas and watched him, fighting the way my heavy eyelids tried to close.

I felt myself drifting off but it was like my body was paralysed and I couldn't stop it.

I woke up in a strange room, it was completely white which hurt my eyes and I went to shield them only to find myself in a straightjacket. How was this possible?

The door suddenly opened and in walked Logan.

"Logan you have to get me out if this." I said gesturing to the jacket but he just pushed his glasses further up his nose and said "you know we can't do that, it's for your own good and Thomas's protection."

My mouth dropped and I struggled with the jacket. "no, you don't understand. Thomas needs me!" I shouted. "without me he's going to be a wreck!"

Logan approached me with a syringe in his hand that I hadn't noticed before. "you need to calm down" he said, trying to lunge at me with the needle.

"get away from me! Somebody help!" I shouted desperately. My heart leapt at the sound of footsteps and Roman walked in.

"what's going on in here?" he asked and I let out a sigh of relief. Roman would save me... Right?

Logan gestured to me and then the syringe saying "he's working himself up again."

Roman looked at me and said the words that extinguished all my hope "want me to hold him down?"

I backed up until I was against the wall and lashing out with my feet as they tried to get near me.

Roman managed to grab my ankle and dragged me into the centre of the room by my legs.

I thrashed around desperately screaming, tears running down my face. "please don't do this, Roman let me go! Logan put the syringe down, you can't do this! Where's Patton? He'll put a stop to this when he finds out what you're doing to me!"

"actually it was my idea" came the terrifyingly cold voice of Patton from the doorway. "get him Logan"

Logan plunged the needle into my neck and things began to blur. The last thing I yelled before falling unconscious was "Why do you guys hate me so much?!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I bolted upright, panting heavily and looking around at my surroundings.

The first thing I noticed was I was in the viewing room again and there were three concerned people watching me.

"Virgil? Are you OK?" asked Patton timidly.

I shuddered as I remembered how cold and emotionless he'd been in my dream. "yeah I'm fine" I responded automatically, that line always ready on my tongue.

Roman fixed me with a glare and I shifted uncomfortably.

"we heard you screaming in your sleep about us." he said, a strange look on his face.

I sighed and avoided eye contact with anyone. I didn't need their pity, I dealt with all my nightmares on my own and this was no different.

Roman laid a hand on my shoulder and made me jump. "we're trying to help you." he said softly. 

I hesitated, could I really trust them? What if this was a dream and the other place was reality? I looked at Pattons tear streaked face and sighed before explaining the dream I just had.

Patton was in tears again, Roman looked horrified and even Logan seemed speechless.

I sighed again, something I tend to do a lot, and stood up to lock myself in my room same as always.

"you're not going anywhere." Patton suddenly exclaimed and for a few seconds I panicked, my thoughts still on the nightmare I'd had.

Before I could properly get into panic mode I was engulfed in a hug from Patton.

I froze up at the contact and waited until Patton let go.

Roman and Logan were both looking at me with matching expressions of concern.

"the psychological meaning behind that dream suggests you feel like we are going to cause you harm." Logan said and Roman rolled his eyes before asking "do you really think we would do something like that?"

I looked down at my feet and murmured "yes if you thought it would protect Thomas."

Roman looked away, guilt all over his face as we both remembered his comments during previous arguments.

Patton stood next to me and whispered "I would never do that to you, not even if it was for Thomas's sake. I love all of you too much to see you hurt or upset." he then burst into tears and I shifted awkwardly.

Logan seemed to want to say something but shook his head and remained silent. I was curious what he was going to say but I decided to ignore him for now.

"Look I'll just go spend the rest of the day in my room." I muttered and turned to leave but before either Patton or Roman could say anything Logan found his voice.

"Virgil, wait. How often do you have nightmares like that?" his voice sounded urgent and I turned to glance at him before answering honestly.

"whenever I fall asleep." I then left the room and locked myself in my room.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I watched Virgil walk out of the room and felt like someone had filled my lungs with lead. I knew from personal experience that the kinds of dreams he was having messed with your mind.

I turned my head and saw Patton staring at me in concern. I shook my head and he smiled sadly before turning to talk to Roman.

I took a deep breath and decided that for once I was going to act on my emotions rather than my mind.

I walked up to Virgil's door and knocked but received no answer. That was to be expected and instead of leaving like I usually did, I turned the handle and was surprised to find it unlocked.

I stepped into Virgils room and saw him sitting on the floor, his back to me. I closed the door softly and approached him.

"Virge?" I asked in a gentle voice I rarely used. As expected he jumped and immediately tried to get me to leave but I sat down next to him and wrapped him in a hug.

Virgil resisted for a few seconds before breaking down in my arms. I rubbed his back and ran a hand through his hair, letting him let everything out.

It took a long time for him to calm back down but when he eventually did he asked in a hoarse voice "why are you here?"

I closed my eyes and sighed. "I'm doing what I wished someone would have done for me. Believe it or not I'm not an emotionless robot and I've been in your position before."

I opened my eyes and saw Virgil looking at me as if he'd only just seen me for the first time. "you had nightmares like mine? How come no one noticed?"

I smiled and replied "you'd be surprised what make-up can hide." as I spoke I wiped the white foundation away from underneath my eyes to reveal huge bags.

"but... You always seem fine." he said, shock clear in his voice and I laughed humourlessly.

"Thomas is a good actor and he passed that on to me I guess. There's a difference between 'fine' and being alright. I know you know what I'm talking about." I muttered and let out yet another sigh.

Virgil made a noise of agreement and we sat in silence for a while until he broke it by asking "How did you get in? I could have sworn I locked my door."

I frowned and looked at the door which seemed to be locked now and replied "maybe your room is slightly sentient and knows when you need privacy and when you need someone to comfort you?"

Virgil looked surprised "is that possible?" he asked and when I nodded he murmured something I didn't hear.

I decided to ignore whatever he'd said because if he was talking to me he would have said it in a voice loud enough that I could hear and so I deduced it was more likely he was speaking to himself.

He let out a sigh and leaned into me some more. "that was the first time I slept in the last three days so you can see why I'm nervous of falling asleep." he said in a quiet voice and I replied "I can wake you if you start having a nightmare if you want?"

Virgil considered the idea before giving me what I assumed was an attempt at a grateful smile but it was more of a grimace due to his fear of falling asleep again.

"we can try that and if it doesn't work, I'll just have to live on caffeine or something." he said in a defeated voice and I hoped my idea would work for Virgils sake.

Eventually Virgil drifted off in my arms and I gently brushed his bangs out of his eyes. He looked quite peaceful and kind of cute. I scowled and cursed myself. I couldn't keep thinking stuff like that.

It was inappropriate for two of Thomas's traits to start dating and even if it wasn't we were quite different and I doubted Virgil thought of any of us as more than acquaintances, friends at a stretch.

I heard Virgil make a small noise and I tensed, ready to wake him but the words that fell from his lips shocked me into paralysis.

"Don't leave Logan."

I wasn't sure if it was a nightmare or not but even if it had been a nightmare I was too stunned to be able to move.

Eventually I was able to move again but the slight smile on his face had my mind drifting to inappropriate adjectives again. I needed to stop thinking of him as 'adorable' or 'cute' it would bring me nothing but pain.

I could feel myself starting to drift off too and no matter how hard I struggled to keep my eyes open they were to heavy and I fell asleep, my arms still around Virgil.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up feeling more refreshed than I'd ever felt in ages and as I went to sit up I found a pair of arms wrapped around me. I started breathing fast in panic until I looked around and realised it was Logan and he must have fallen asleep too.

I couldn't help a small smile forming as I noticed his glasses were lopsided and there was a hint of drool at the corner of his mouth. It was kind of funny seeing him look less than perfect. He always made a point of appearing proper and sophisticated so to see him like this was quite amusing.

I debated if I should get up and risk waking him but it was honestly so comfortable in his arms that I couldn't be bothered. Also the sight of the bags under his eyes reminded me that he barely slept either so this was a well needed rest.

I settled back down, listening to the steady beat of his heart and his slow even breathing. It was incredibly relaxing and I almost went back to sleep until he let a gasp and his breathing began to speed up.

I turned to look at his face and realised he was having a nightmare. He started to thrash around and I grabbed him in a tight hug. "wake up Logan, it's just a nightmare. You're with me, everything is alright." I said in his ear.

He jolted awake, realised he was dreaming and let out a choked sob. 

"Logan, everythings alright." I said softly and let him take the time to compose himself.

When Logan had calmed down he apologised for freaking out like that.

"don't worry about it, you've seen me in worse states so I'm hardly one to judge." I said with a tiny smile which he reluctantly returned.

"I didn't mean to fall asleep by the way, I tried to stay awake to make sure I could wake you up if you had a nightmare but I guess I failed." Logan said and I understood another thing we had in common. Our fear of failing or making mistakes.

"it's alright I actually had a good dream." I replied to ease his mind but suddenly I remembered what dream it was and almost choked on my own saliva.

"whoa, are you OK?" he asked with concern and I nodded, trying to force away the blush that was creeping across my cheeks.

Logan seemed confused by something and then suddenly he let out a small gasp. "wait are you blushing? Does that mean it was 'one of those dreams'?"

I shook my head and replied in a slightly squeaky voice "no, but it was a nice dream. A cute and fluffy sort of dream." I had to catch myself before I said too much.

There was no way I would be able to look at Logan after that dream without blushing.

It was a miracle that he hadn't heard my comment last night about my room knowing too many of my secrets if it was sentient because I tend to talk to myself out loud.

Logan looked at me with an odd expression on his face. I frowned and he suddenly seemed to snap himself out of it because he quickly looked away and cleared his throat. "We should probably get up, the others are probably wondering where we are." he said.

I nodded, wondering what he'd been so lost in thought about and what that expression had meant.

"um... Do you think I could maybe borrow some of your foundation?" Logan asked hesitantly and I sighed and got to my feet, Logan doing the same.

I grabbed my make-up off my bedside table and handed him the pale foundation. "try not to use it all." I said, trying to make my voice sound snarky and mean like it normally did but it still came out too nice.

Logan quickly applied the makeup under his eyes and I forced myself not to stare. He was surprisingly good at it, much better than I was.

He put the makeup back and said "well I guess I'd better go change and check on Thomas."

I nodded and muttered "yeah, whatever." I was trying to build my walls back up but for some reason I just couldn't pull it off as well as I usually did.

Logan walked to my door, opened it then paused and turned around. "you talk in your sleep by the way. It's quite adorable." he then left, leaving me with my mouth open in shock and my face flushed bright red.

Boy did he know how to make an exit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: Character death in a dream, mentions of self harm and suicide in a nightmare.

I walked out of Virgils room at a swift pace and didn't stop until I'd locked myself in my own room.

When I was finally on my own I hunched over, grabbing my face in my hands as I analysed what I'd just said. What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck? Why did I say that to him? I told myself I wouldn't think things like that anymore because it wouldn't be healthy for Thomas and would only cause me pain yet for some reason I thought telling him he was adorable was an appropriate thing to do. Although technically I did say I would stop thinking of him like that, I never said anything about saying it.

I frowned and shook my head, that was not the point. The point was I'd just called Virgil adorable and there was a high probability of Virgil feeling incredibly awkward or angry about that. In the small possibility of him not feeling awkward or angry he'd probably feel sorry for me and I didn't need anyone's pity for being 'an emotionless robot'.

I heard someone approaching my door and quickly made sure I was composed.

Just like everyday there was a knock at the door and Pattons voice said "I'm about to start breakfast, don't get lost in your work."

I gave my usual reply of "of course." and held my breath as his footsteps headed away from my door. I quickly changed my clothes and waited a few seconds before heading towards the kitchen.

Roman was already there which I managed to link with him helping Thomas through a nightmare. Whenever Thomas had a nightmare Roman would stay with him all night and he'd usually be at breakfast earlier than me before having a quick nap.

Virgil tended to stay in his room till almost midday which previously the rest of us had assumed was because he was sleeping in but after paying close attention to him Patton and I had realised he wasn't sleeping properly so I wasn't sure why he spent so long in his room.

I sat at the table and felt a pair of eyes on me. I glanced at Roman and noticed his tired worried expression.

"What's puzzling you Roman?" I asked and he jolted out of his thoughts.

"I'm just thinking about the nightmare Thomas had last night." he said and I nodded, happy to have deduced that without being told.

"what was it this time?" I asked, interested in getting more information.

Roman gave me a grim look and muttered "it was to do with you." I frowned and gestured for him to elaborate.

"you were acting strange, it was like you but a dark and twisted you. You made Patton cry which made me angry but then you started telling Virgil that he was unnecessary and he broke down and Thomas soon did too and... " he choked up slightly at the end and I dreaded what he was about to say.

"and when you started convincing Thomas to try and hurt himself I had to stop you." he whispered and my eyes widened in horror and shock as I realised what he meant.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I managed to find my voice again. "did Thomas have any reason for having the dream or was it completely random?" I asked quietly and Roman frowned.

"it was completely random, I think it interrupted another dream he was having which is why it took me a while to respond to him. I don't know where it came from." he said and I was instantly concerned and on alert.

Something had changed within Thomas's mind in the last 24 hours. Suddenly I paled as I realised something.

"Morning Virgil!" said Patton happily as he walked in with plates and I turned in my seat to see him shuffling in awkwardly.

Our eyes met and we quickly glanced away, my face was heating up ever so slightly but I thought about my theory again.

What if me and Virgil sleeping in the same room had caused Thomas to have the nightmare? What if our sudden closeness had altered something so it affected him in a catastrophic way like the nightmare. What if it got worse?

I pulled myself out of my thoughts as I heard someone speaking to me. "Logan do you want some coffee?" I nodded and Patton bustled off to get me some. I risked a glance at Virgil and noticed how he seemed to be even quieter than normal.

I wondered if it had anything to do with my words this morning and again cursed myself for letting my emotions take over like that. I hadn't been thinking and they'd slipped out.

Roman nudged me and I realised I'd been staring at Virgil the whole time. I ignored the red that had probably managed to creep onto my face and excused myself from the table.

"I have to figure out the cause of this latest nightmare and find a way to counteract it so it doesn't happen again." I said in my normal business like voice and strode out of the room before any of them could speak.

I felt like I was losing it and that's the last thing Thomas needed.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan seemed quite shaken but Roman brushed it off and put it down to the nightmare he'd told him about. Roman shuddered as he remembered having to plunge his katana through Logan.

Virgil sat at the table mindlessly chewing on a slice of toast but he didn't really taste it, his mind too busy thinking about what Logan had said.

Patton walked back in with the coffee and frowned at Logans empty seat. "where did Logan go?" he asked, pulling both Roman and Virgil out of their thoughts.

"oh he had to do some research on Thomas's most recent nightmare. It was a really bad one so it's probably better to get started straight away." Roman answered.

Patton sighed and grumbled under his breath about Logan putting work before his own needs.

Virgil perked up at the mention of the nightmare but if the way Roman looked was anything to go by there was no way he'd be told. He'd have to find out what happened himself.

He took a couple more bites of his toast and stood, mumbling "gotta go do stuff. "

Roman hummed in reply and Patton gave a nod, still slightly annoyed at how Logan thought his work was more important than breakfast.

Virgil slipped out of the kitchen and cautiously crept into the memory library. He rolled his eyes as he took in the floor to ceiling bookshelves packed with books. It would be so much easier if everything was on a computer system but Logan refused to change it.

He walked towards the dream section and scanned the spines of the books until he spotted the one for this month. He tugged it off the shelf and flipped through the pages until he got to the previous nights date.

He walked with the book over to one of the many tables and tried to swallow his nerves. He was terrified of what he'd see once he entered the memory but he was desperate to know what had happened.

In the end he took a deep breath, placed his hand in the middle of the page and murmured "show me."

Virgil closed his eyes as he began to get sucked into the memory and only opened them again when his feet hit solid ground.

As he looked around he recognised the mindspace but the whole atmosphere was off. Everything seemed less vibrant and happy.

"I know what's best for him and it's definitely not you!" shouted a voice and Virgil spun on the spot to see Logan standing over a weeping Patton.

Logans skin was grey and his eyes and hair were pitch black which made him look even more intimidating and sinister. His voice was low and gravelly, echoing around the dark room unnaturally.

Patton sobbed "I'm sorry Logan. I'm so sorry." and Virgil felt tears come to his eyes at seeing such kind selfless person being reduced to tears.

"Logan? Why's Patton crying?" said a worried voice Virgil immediately recognised as his own and he chewed his lip as the scary Logan turned to his dream self with look of disgust on his face.

"I was wondering when you'd pop up with all your negative thoughts, constantly distracting Thomas from the goals I set for him. You're unnecessary and it's no wonder most people take medication to get rid of their anxiety if it's anything like you." Logan said with a sneer and as the dream Virgil broke down, the one watching felt several tears slide down his face.

The scene changed and Virgil found himself in Thomas's apartment where Thomas was sitting on the sofa looking rather down as both Patton and Virgils moods affected him.

Thomas glanced up at Logan who made noise of annoyance. "typical. Trust you to be all mopey and ruled by your feelings. Can't you just block them out for once in your God damn life? It's not difficult! Or maybe you're just too much of an ignoramus to be able to do even that simple task!" Logan started to rant, making both Thomas and the real Virgil start to sob.

Suddenly Roman appeared and tried to reason with Logan but he was ignored while Logan continued." you might as well give up! Grab a knife and slit your wrists or maybe you're too idiotic to do that too! I'd rather you die than have to deal with how slow and unintelligent you are! Do it!"

Virgil gasped and put his hands over his mouth in horror at Logans words.

Logan continued to try and convince Thomas to hurt or kill himself and it seemed Thomas was slowly starting to listen. Virgil watched, shaking and terrified of watching Thomas kill himself.

It was only by chance that he glanced to Roman and noticed the katana being raised. Virgils eyes went wide as Roman set his face into a grim determined expression and brought the katana down, plunged right into Logans chest.

Virgil let out an involuntary scream as he watched, tears rushing down his face and barely noticed he'd been spat back bouts of the memory as he sat on the floor of the memory library sobbing and shaking.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I pushed myself away from my computer, my eyes started to feel sore from staring at the screen for so long. I hadn't had much of a break through on the nightmare so I decided I would need to study it and see if there was something in it that could help.

I walked down the corridor to the memory library, one of my favourite places to go when I needed to either relax or solve an issue. I opened the door and inhaled deeply, relishing the scent of the books.

I walked down one of the aisles and sighed fondly at the sight of all the bookshelves. I knew that it would be way more efficient to have everything converted to computer hard drives but there was just something about books that made me feel so relaxed that I just couldn't bring myself to upgrade everything.

Suddenly the tranquillity was shattered as I heard someone scream and then start sobbing from one of the other aisles. Quickly I walked towards the source of it to find Virgil in a heap on the floor, an open memory book laying on the table in front of him.

I took a glance at the memory's date and winced as I realised it must have been the nightmare. I was hesitant to touch him in case he freaked out upon seeing me after what he'd seen in the dream.

His sobs caused my chest to ache so I reached out a hand and rested it on his back with a whispered "it's alright it wasn't real."

Virgil jumped at my touch by when he saw me he didn't say scream and try to get away like I'd thought. Instead he launched himself at me and started saying between sobs "it was awful! He stabbed you and all I could do was watch! I don't want to lose you!"

I was taken by surprise by that as he clung to me like a sloth to a tree branch, but I tried to brush it off. "it was just a nightmare, I'm right here." I said quietly.

Virgil gulped for air for a bit before lifting his head so our eyes met and muttering "I know but there's always the possibility of something happening at any point and I don't want to miss the chance to do this."

I frowned in confusion until suddenly he pressed his lips against mine and we were kissing. My eyes closed automatically and we stayed like that until we both needed oxygen.

We both sat in stunned silence, panting for air before I broke it with the least intelligent thing ever. "we just kissed"

I could have slapped myself but Virgil just laughed lightly and replied "yep."

I had no idea what to say or do in this situation so I sat there awkwardly still gobsmacked by the fact Virgil and I kissed.

That was until Virgil said "you have the cutest confused face right now." and I struggled to stop myself blushing, not particularly used to compliments.

"ha I got you to blush!" he exclaimed. "that makes us even now."

I once again remembered my comment from this morning but I pushed away the previous doubts I'd had about anything working out. I was probably just freaking out over nothing and the dream had nothing to do with Virgil and I getting so close.

I decided to just go with the flow or whatever the teens say these days and ignore my theory.

Just this once I was going to ignore my mind and go with my gut instinct which told me that, whatever it was between Virgil and I, was the right way to do this.


End file.
